Lala Kent Lost Virginity To Man Who Looked Like Offspring of The Rock
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Lala Kent Lost Virginity To Man Who Looked Like "Offspring of The Rock"

I can't believe Vanderpump Rules is 11 seasons deep. Equally insane is a story Lala Kent told on her Give Them Lala podcast. The topic was losing her virginity to a Dwayne Johnson-adjacent fella. Indeed, it would appear as though she had much to say about traveling down to the infamous Smackdown Hotel. ...Or perhaps, in this case, it would be called the "Slapup Motel." Comedy is hard, leave me alone.

In Kent's tale, this "really hot" gentleman gave her a "great experience" she would never forget! "His dad looked like The Rock," she began. "He looked like the offspring of The Rock."

I'll warn y'all now, we're about to head into intimate waters, so prepare yourself accordingly if you're still here!

Apparently, the dude had an obsession with the color red. Red lighting, red condoms, the whole nine yards. "I let him know I will not be giving you a [vacuum detailing] so I'm sure that was a really big turn-on from the jump, [telling him] all the things I'm not gonna do," Kent said.

"So we do the deed. Lil Wayne's 'Lollipop' comes on. So that's what I'm being thrusted upon with listening to."

'Vanderpump Rules's Lala Kent Dishes Everything About How She Lost Her Virginity To Someone Who Looked Like The Rock

Ultimately, in that moment, she didn't realize the condom was red. Which caused understandable confusion and panic. "When he pulls it off, I see that it's red, and he goes, 'That's because of you.' And I'm thinking I'm, like, gushing blood. Like, I'm dying," Kent recalls.

The Vanderpump Rules star cried afterward. "[I] just felt very emotional about the fact that I had just done something." Kent and Not-Rock would date for three years. Truthfully, that's more impressive than the length of most high school relationships!

Listen, I get it. The Rock was that guy back then. If you can come close to smelling what he's cookin', you will! It's a good thing the guy was cooking a "fun, easygoing experience" soufflé rather than an overcooked and salty "I'm going to accidentally [or intentionally, in the worst case scenario] traumatize you and make sex a terrifying concept" pack of ramen noodles.