We’ve all got a little redneck in us. At least that’s the lesson learned from some of Reddit’s best redneck stories. These Redditors shared some hilarious moments that, unfortunately, we can all probably relate to on some level.
And while some are “first generation non-redneck,” as one user puts it, others wear the redneck badge with pride. Hey, it’s all good and fun as long as no one gets hurt.
Spoiler alert: some of these people get hurt. These are 10 of the best redneck stories from Reddit. Check out other stories on the thread here.
Tree Trimming with a 12-Gauge
My dad and I were out at our hunting “ranch” if you want to call it that. The satellite signal was messed up and we went to inspect what was causing it. Turns out a tree had grown in it’s way, just a few branches not the whole tree. My dad was on the roof at the time think about how to reach the branch and cut it which was about maybe 10 feet out from the roof and 10 feet up. He ponders for a minute and says “go grab the 12 gauge and a box of shells”. Then began taking chunks out of the line tree. 6-7 shots later we were back to watching the game.
Redneck NASA Training
I was fourteen and my cousins and I found a fifty gallon barrel. We used a crowbar to poke a hole in the bottom so we could feed a rope through and tie to a tree. The initial plan was to use it as a makeshift mechanical bull but after a couple of minutes I realized I could fit inside the barrel. This was the start of my redneck nasa preparation.
I squeezed into the barrel and my cousin twisted the barrel around and let it rip. I was going so fast that blood vessels on my eyelids popped. It was intense. So after the first round I told my cousin to help me out and that I couldn’t do that again. Since my knees were up to my chest I was essentially stuck and the bastard wound it up one more time. I barfed all over his new cowboy boots.
I watched my parent’s neighbor try to tow his car with a lawnmower.
“Hold My Beer”
At 18 I got drunk one night on a fifth of Jack. On the way home I made the driver stop because I had to pee. I woke up the next morning on the side of the road several mile from a phone (early 90s, no cell phones). My crotch hurt really bad, my shoulder and neck burned like they were on fire, my pants and underwear were removed and I had an awful taste in my mouth.
After walking to the nearest payphone and summoning a friend to rescue me I was given the details. Apparently I actually used the phrase “yall hold my beer and watch this.” as I proceeded to piss OVER a fence. All was well and good until i lost some of the pressure and the streams arc touched the electrified portion of the fence. This shocked my junk to the point I passed out…. in a bed of fire ants that gnawed on my shoulder and neck. While laying flat on my back I barfed straight up and got it all over my face. My buddies decided I was still alive and would be ok after I slept it off so they left me there.
There were 2 dear eating flower in my garden. I grabbed 2 rifles and shot ’em both at the same time. From my living room couch.
A Wrench in His Plans
The interior door handle on my truck, is a 9mm wrench because the stock ford handles kept breaking. Plus who ever uses a 9mm anyway? One time we were having a party and one thing let to another. Ended up dragging people behind the car in the backyard on a piece of plywood and a tire through a bunch of mud. We called it redneck tubing.
A family member brought a vegetarian girl to Thanksgiving dinner. Now, I adored this girl, she was so nice. Well, to everyone but my cousin, who was learning taxidermy. He had a squirrel in the freezer he was going to taxidermy. Yes, a dead squirrel in the freezer. He took it out and chased her around the house with it. I got in trouble because I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe.
Don’t Take the Bait
Family took a vacation to disney world, stayed at the Grand Floridian a super nice hotel. Brett, my dad, and his friend Bob wanted to go fishing but didn’t want to pay the ridiculous fishing tour prices. So they got a cab, drove to Wal-Mart (or wally world as we call it) and filled 2 giant ice chests with bait, tackle and bud light. They got back to the hotel and set up outside the room which was right on the ocean bank and started catching some of the most badass Florida bass that people were paying $500-600 to go on a tour for.
A cop pulled up and told them its illegal to fish there. But he was laughing so hard, out of disbelief someone would actually do that, he said just make sure no one sees you and let them keep fishing.
Take Me Home, Country Roads
I was born in San Diego, so I’m first-generation non-redneck. When I was ten, my dad, who was born in West Virginia, took me back there for a family reunion for the sole purpose of showing me why we don’t go to family reunions.
We arrived at the designated meeting point at around 9:30 AM, and the drinking was already well underway. I met relatives who exclaimed over how much I had grown since they’d last seen me (my dad assured me they had never met me before, so I didn’t need to be worried about not remembering their names). I met my dad’s uncle Chuck, who wore only a pair of overalls and had a three-legged dog at his side, whose name was Lucky. Lucky had three legs because one of hers had gotten caught in a bear trap, or so Uncle Chuck said.
The event culminated in one of my drunk relatives driving a tractor into a lake.
I think the only thing that could have made it more perfectly redneck was if someone had pulled out a banjo.
So while we aren’t really rednecks, my family and I once did a very redneck thing. Our Grandparents live in a small town in Alabama on a lake. We go there every summer for a family reunion-type thing. It’s a blast, but every now and again we get bored with the jetskis and water trampolines and decide to make up something new to do.
So jutting out into the lake from the shore is a decently long fishing dock, so my cousins decided to get a ton of carpet squares and cover the dock, then cover those with trashbags. And once that was sprayed down with water and dish soap, we had a very effective slip-and-slide.
And that was fun, but my cousins then proceeded to come up with a game they dubbed “Redneck Shuffleboard” in which we would split into teams and take turns hurling ourselves down this fishing dock. The goal was for your team to have the person hanging the furthest off the end of the dock without actually falling off the end once everyone had gone. And so we would take turns ramming each other and knocking each other off the dock. It was hysterical.
Also, as a bonus, I saw a picture of my uncle’s truck with a tarp in the bed and filled with water and his kids playing around in it.