Thanksgiving is almost here, and y’all know what that means: forced quality time with your extended family. Get ready to hear passive-aggressive jabs at everything from your hairstyle to your career choices. So when you need a laugh check out these funny Thanksgiving tweets and don’t give snooty Aunt Karen a second thought.
Calories don’t count on Thanksgiving
Me on Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/C13D1UQfiS
— College Student (@coIIegestudentz) November 25, 2015
4-year-old: Can we have pizza for Thanksgiving?
Me: The pilgrims didn't eat pizza.
4: Their dad was probably mean, too.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2016
It’s a fact
Not even going to vote. If you put up your tree any earlier than the day after thanksgiving you are a sociopath. Just hold off.
— Corey Salow (@casalow) November 1, 2017
The pie is not the only thing getting burned this year
Me: what kind of pie do u want?
Mom: all three
Me: this is why you have diabetes #thanksgivingclapback
— $quidnasty (@kittenseex) November 26, 2016
Been there, done that
#ItsNotAFamilyGatheringUntil you drag the lawn furniture into the middle of the living room, so that everyone has a place to sit.
— Regina Spacola (@gigirules7) November 21, 2016
Oh good, I love life hacks!
Thanksgiving tips! pic.twitter.com/b3glMmCAfZ
— Waste my time. (@StrangePintura) November 25, 2015
Well, that’s certainly true…
The worst part about driving to visit your family for Thanksgiving is not being able to already be drunk when you walk in the door.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 22, 2016
What happened to minding your own business?
Aunt:What happened to your grades?
— Violet Stevenson (@bubblebear243) November 28, 2016
I love Thanksgiving. Can't wait to slave for hours over a meal my kids will rudely reject in front of relatives who are judging my parenting
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 16, 2016
Usually I’m the one telling my kids not to lick things
So far the kids' help in preparing for tomorrow's guests has just been making signs that say "NO licking plates ALLOWED!" #Thanksgiving16
— Pails and Fires (@pailsandfires) November 24, 2016
It’s “pee-KAHN”. FIGHT ME
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is when multiple families come together to argue over the pronunciation of pecan pie.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 20, 2016
Not all heroes wear capes
I carry a stone around to throw at anyone I hear singing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
— Bread Savage (@papasuncle) October 19, 2014
Cardio is very important
Stay in shape this Thanksgiving by running away every time you see someone you went to high school with.
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) November 27, 2014
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone visiting their parents. pic.twitter.com/hRxI5EyssU
— Christian Duguay (@christianduguay) November 28, 2014
It’s too good to go to waste
When you wake up from your nap after Thanksgiving Dinner and you're full, but you still eat more anyway. pic.twitter.com/FYGKlwMJ7R
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) November 22, 2015
I totally prefer Pokémon and Youtube
i’m an adult therefore, I should talk politics with adults on thanksgiving but i’d rather be at the kids table talking pokémon and youtube
— scottysire (@ImNotScottySire) November 5, 2017
Sure, it’s the turkey
Everyone's all "turkey makes you sleepy!" like it's not all the alcohol you drank to tolerate family.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 23, 2015
MINE ALL MINE!!!
When it's Thanksgiving and it's my turn for mashed potatoes pic.twitter.com/Uj9oHSVnfs
— Billo (@ElegantStarfish) November 24, 2014
Thankful for Happy Thanksgiving mass texts from people I haven't heard from since last year's Happy Thanksgiving mass text
— Dan Mason (@DanMasonTweets) November 27, 2014
Food makes everything better
Really looking forward to Thanksgiving so we can all yell at each with our mouths full. Quality time. It's so important.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) November 19, 2016