Halloween is a cultural institution in America. So it comes as no surprise each year when it's suddenly everywhere, from TV shows and movies, to our favorite celebrities' Twitter posts. Seeing our favorite television characters get into the spirit during a Halloween special is thrilling, not only because we get to see what costume they pick, but because of the funny one-liners the show's writers have cooked up for the occasion.
Movie theaters are no exception to the trend and over the years have hosted many popular movies with a Halloween theme or memorably spooky scene. The season has given us classic comedies like The Nightmare Before Christmas and Hocus Pocus to put a lighthearted spin on the holiday. Meanwhile, horror movies are a mainstay for those who like the scarier aspect of Halloween, but even they pepper in a few comedic lines that elevate the experience.
Whichever form of entertainment you prefer, Halloween has grown into a pop-culture phenomenon that many Americans eagerly await. When October finally arrives, you can expect Halloween hilarity to ensue across all of your screens. These quotes stand out as some of the best quips and jokes of the season, showing us that although Halloween is known for being eerie, it should also be known for inspiring laughter.
Funny Halloween Quotes
"Why did you make me be the cheese? You guys got to be cute, and you made me be the cheese."
— Vanessa Bayer in SNL sketch, "A Girl's Halloween"
Joey: "Halloween is so stupid! Dressing up, pretending to be someone you're not..."
Chandler: "You're an actor!"
— Friends
"Oh, look. Raggedy Ann is drinking vodka right from the bottle. People think if they put on a costume, they can just get away with anything they want. Halloween is Christmas for jerks."
Amy in Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"If ghosts are real, how come everyone knows what they look like? It's not like a bunch of people got together and agreed on a lie."
Stanley, The Office
"There's children throwing snowballs, instead of throwing heads, they're busy building toys and absolutely no one's dead!"
Jack Skellington, The Nightmare Before Christmas
"Halloween is right around the corner. You can tell because all the stores are decked out for Christmas."
Stephen Colbert on Twitter
"If I'd known you were coming, I could've made up the dungeon."
— Morticia Addams in The Addams Family
"Vampires don't do dishes!"
— Deacon in What We Do In The Shadows
"Let me guess. You're a flimsy excuse to be shirtless, wearing silk underwear."
— Britta, Community
"Next time do not tell people we wish to bewitch that we are about to bewitch them!"
Winifred Sanderson, Hocus Pocus 2
"I've come as the comic disaster that is my life."
— Miranda, And Just Like That
"Ah, Halloween. The one time of year where the squalor of our home works to our advantage."
Homer, The Simpsons
"Once again, my Halloween costume this year will be Sexy Weird Al." — Weird Al" Yankovic
"My whole life is a dark room. One big, dark room." Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice
"Halloween is not about turning over outhouses to put poo on people's lawns. It is about dressing up really cute and getting a sh*t-ton of candy."
Tess Lynch, Drunk History
"No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering."
Pinhead, Hellraiser
"It's the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. Well, it would if I had any." — The Corpse Bride, The Corpse Bride
"Tasty, tasty, beautiful fear!"
Pennywise, It
"That's nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of trick-or-treats."
Linus, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
"A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality."
Lucy, It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
"I don't understand it. I went trick or treating and all I got was a bag of rocks." — Charlie Brown, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
"I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen The Exorcist 67 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it. Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! Now, what do you think!? You think i'm qualified?" — Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
"Ghostbusters! What do you want?" Janine, Ghostbusters
Mr. Peanutbutter: "Are you having fun?"
Diane: "Yeah, I'm having a great time explaining my costume to people over and over again!"
— Bojack Horseman
"Without my Mario, what am I? I'm just, like, some weird Italian plumber."
Dennis, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
"I ain't afraid of no ghost!" Ray Parker Jr., Ghostbusters theme
"I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade." — Morticia Addams, Addams Family Values
"Witch and sexy kitten. That's it. The only two choices for women, witch and sexy kitten."
Miranda in Sex and The City
"It's a full moon tonight. That's when all the weirdos are out." Dani, Hocus Pocus
"Every Halloween the trees are filled with underwear."
Dean Wormer, Animal House
Planet Express: "Come closer, Bender. Let's become one."
Bender: "I prefer two, that way we can still be a horse for Halloween."
— Futurama
"Being normal is vastly overrated." — Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown
"Guillermo is my familiar, but sometimes he's a little too familiar, you know what I mean?" — Nandor, What We Do in the Shadows
"Of course, no Halloween would be complete without a flaming bag of poo."
— Ana Gasteyer as Martha Stewart on SNL
"This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else."
Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
"Even on Halloween, glitter is NEVER worth it."
Anna Kendrick on Twitter
Robin: "Wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy?"
Ted: "It was carved in strategic places."
— How I Met Your Mother
"No, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!" — Tatum, Scream
"You should never say 'who's there?' Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish. You might as well come out here to investigate a strange noise or something." — Ghostface, Scream
"Oh no, why did I give you the option of trick or treat? I just wanted treat!"
Todd, Bojack Horseman
"This is how we're represented, unbelievable."
Dracula, Hotel Transylvania
"They couldn't even spring for real pig's blood. It's only paint."
Wednesday, Wednesday
"I'm a werewolf, okay? Let's not make a big deal of it."
Carolyn, Dark Shadows
"The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely!"
Jack, An American Werewolf In London
"My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage!" — Aunt Frances, Practical Magic
"I just have one costume criterion: Boobs up and out."
Karen, Will & Grace
"I'm the ghost with the most, babe." Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice
"It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!"
Juno, Beetlejuice
"So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I'd known that before I used grease paint for my mustache."
Pam, The Office
"I never drink... Wine."
Dracula, Dracula
"I myself am strange and unusual." — Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice
"I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people."
Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
"I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color." — Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Mrs. Peacock: "Everything all right?"
Colonel Mustard: "Yep. Two corpses. Everything's fine."
— Clue
"Aren't you broads a little old to be trick or treating?"
Winifred Sanderson: "We'll be younger in the morning."
— Hocus Pocus
"Oh look. Another glorious morning. Makes me sick!" — Winifred Sanderson, Hocus Pocus
"We've got a psychotic serial killer in the family who loves to butcher people on Halloween, and I just thought it in bad taste to celebrate."
John, Halloween: H20
"Halloween in Hollywood is redundant."
Al, The Glitter Dome
"Never trust the living!" — Juno, Beetlejuice
"Thackery Binx, thou mangy feline! Still alive?" — Winifred Sanderson, Hocus Pocus
"These people don't deserve my dress-up gifts."
Charles, Brookyln Nine-Nine
"Wait Master, it might be dangerous... you go first."
Igor, Young Frankenstein
