David Archuleta competed on American Idol in 2008, coming in second. He describes what has happened to him since then in a new book that drops on February 17. Devout; Losing My Faith To Find Myself. Not all of it is upbeat and positive, though.
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At one point, he says that he considered taking his own life because his faith - he was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - clashed with his sexuality. As Archuleta, 35, shared with People, "I was almost willing to give my life up because I was so devoted to what I believed."
Archuleta Announced That He Is Queer in 2021 and Left the Church in 2022
Per the outlet, the singer said, "I had to learn how to not be ashamed. I always felt like I had to hide before. I'm just grateful to be alive and to see what I can do with my life while I'm here. It really feels like starting again."
He Waged "Constant Internal War"
In Devout, Archuleta describes the anguish he suffered trying to align his religious faith and his sexuality, It was a losing battle, a never-ending, lonely struggle to reconcile his God with who he himself really was.
He wrote movingly, "I was completely alone 95 percent of the time. I prayed more than I ate or slept. In the past, prayer had always helped me endure. The difference now, though, was that I felt nothing while praying. I was numb to any emotion, any connection...I contemplated whether it would be better to admit to myself that I was gay or end my life. It was a constant internal war."
Archuleta Contemplated Ways To Take His Life
It is frightening to read the emotional depth to which David Archuleta sank. In fact, he got to such a low point of desperation and dejection that he started planning ways to commit suicide. In the book, Archuleta shares that he drove around, hunting for places where he "could crash my car at a high speed without hurting anyone else." What stopped him was the fear that he might not succeed and could be, for example, paralyzed. Archuleta sounds like a tormented man at that time.
He tried therapy but that washed out. So did his three engagements. Finally, there was a light piercing the gloom.
He Felt Like He Heard the Voice of God
One day, by himself at home, Archuleta writes that he heard God's voice in his head. It was thrilling and liberating. God said to him in part, "I don't see you how you see you. It's time for you to understand that."
Archuleta interpreted that message this way. "God was telling me that I was wrong to think that being gay was a mistake. I'd been thinking that it would be better to end my life than to live as a gay man. But now God was giving me permission—encouragement!—to start dating men, something I never thought would be okay."
