Carrie Fisher would have been 70 years old today, Oct. 21. The Star Wars star died nearly a decade ago, and her daughter, Billie Lourd, paid tribute to the actress on Instagram.
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The Daughter of the "Star Wars" Star Spoke About Grief
The 34-year-old Lourd, who starred with her mother in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, was Fisher's only daughter. She has also appeared in several seasons of the horror anthology series American Horror Story.
In an online tribute to her mother, Lourd shared a vintage photo of herself celebrating with her at a past birthday celebration, then reflected on what the day means to her.
"Today would have been my Momby's 70th birthday," she wrote in the caption. "Which feels way too young an age to be dead for almost 10 years. She should have been alive for at least 10 more years - not dead for 10."
"The last birthday I got to celebrate with her was her 60th," she added. "I wish I would've known it was her last but you never know a last is a last. Birthdays are harder than grief anniversaries for me because it's a day that's supposed to be a happy day. And it's hard to feel the happy in happy birthday when the person whose birthday it is isn't there to celebrate."
Lourd Said She Was "Angry" That Carrie Fisher Was Unable To Get Sober
According to PEOPLE, a toxicology report stated that Fisher's death was caused by sleep apnea, atherosclerotic heart disease, and drug use. Lourd spoke about how that affected her.
Lourd wrote that she felt "really angry that she wasn't able to get sober so she could be here with us to receive the happy in happy birthday. This is my 10th birthday having to celebrate her without her and that feeling is unfortunately always present. So I try to give myself space to let that anger sit for a moment, then I tell it to scoot over so I can let in the many other feelings I will inevitably feel on this day."
"Being with my momby when she was at her best felt like home," she added. "A warm hug you never want to pull away from. What I imagine it feels like to be in a mother kangaroo's pouch."
Lourd ended her tribute with some thoughts for her fans.
"Thinking about anyone else who has lost someone they loved to drug addiction or anyone who has lost someone they had a multifaceted relationship with," she concluded. "May you allow all of the emotional guests to attend the emotional party - anger, sadness, frustration, joy, numbness, warmth, (insert emotion here). You are not alone."
You can read the full tribute below.
