All throughout his rise to stardom, the “Lose My Mind” singer has opened up about his life on Twitter. From getting trampled by squirrels to his future wedding plans, Eldredge doesn’t seem to hide much from his 256,000 Twitter followers.
We’ve put together a list of Eldredge’s 13 funniest tweets. And if you’re wondering: Yes, we did spend all afternoon stalking his Twitter feed. And no, we’re not ashamed about it.
The reigning CMA New Artist of the Year chronicled his wild Friday night plans on Twitter, and he even gave himself a new nickname.
In bed at 10:25 on a Friday night and I don't feel one bit bad about it!!! Snuggle mcSnuggerson
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) September 20, 2014
And if your Valentine’s Day plans are as lonely as Eldredge’s Friday night plans, he has some words of advice for you:
Why the sad tweets? Its ok to be picky…if you havent found a valentine, eat chocolate by urself and keep being a bad ass, you'll get it
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) February 14, 2015
But one day when his life isn’t so lonely, Eldredge already has his future wedding planned to a T – complete with raining Froot Loops. What do we have to do to get on the guest list for this wedding?
If I was to get married, I'd want people to throw fruit loops instead of rice and I'd just walk out with a glass of milk
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) September 16, 2014
It’s a good thing Eldredge has a successful career as a country star, or else he may have taken a very different path in life.
My horse lost the Kentucky Derby…..my horse career is over…Im gonna start betting on racing squirrels
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) May 2, 2015
Maybe Eldredge shouldn’t make a career of betting on squirrel races if he’s afraid of the squirrels trampling him.
Goin to get a massage…feel like I got ran over by a herd of squirrels
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) August 6, 2014
Eldredge’s misfortune with massages seems to be a recurring theme on his Twitter feed.
There is nothing relaxing about massage chairs…the one I just sat in karate chopped me in the back like it hated me
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) May 18, 2015
When is he going to learn to stay away from massages?
Gettin a massage…hopefully the lady doesn't try the karate chop move thingy on my back like last time…that was awkward
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) September 8, 2014
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Is “smoother than a buttermilk pancake” a copyrighted phrase? Or can we please have permission to use this in the future?
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) April 20, 2015
If you’re looking for a low-intensity workout plan, you may want to ask him to be your personal trainer.
4 mile run done….now gotta do some abs and drink a case of beer….just kidding on the abs part
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) April 27, 2015
Looking for a championship snuggling partner, Brett? We’re sure your fans would volunteer as tribute.
If they made championship belt for snuggling, I would win a championship belt for snuggling
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) June 23, 2014
Eldredge’s tweets are nothing short of philosophical. Don’t worry, Brett, we’ve had the same thoughts, too.
Nothing shows someone's love for their dog more than taking them for a jog and bouncing around carrying a plastic bag of dog turds
Eldredge even gave a shout out to all the heartbreakers out there in the world. We can’t help but thank the ladies who broke the “Mean to Me” singer’s heart for inspiring his wonderful songs.
Thank your heartbreakers, whether you realize it or not, they did ya a favor
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) May 29, 2015
If you were to pick Brett Eldredge’s brain, you’d find that he daydreams about dressing up as Santa Claus and being pulled by a herd of puppies. Okay.
I want like 7 of these dogs, put them on a leash and roller blade around with em like Santa Clause http://t.co/i1prMQx9Qh
— Brett Eldredge (@bretteldredge) May 2, 2013
And if you’ve been dreaming of seeing a reenactment of that, you’re in luck – Eldredge brought this Tweet to life on his YouTube page.