Since it’s January now your social media feed is most likely full of everyone’s “New Year, new me!” posts about how they are all going to become the person they always wanted to be in 2016, even though the chances of anyone seriously committing to their New Year resolution for 365 days is zero.
It’s cliche and it’s overdone. So, instead of setting yourself up for disappointment, why not make some anti-resolutions this year? What is an anti-resolution, you may ask? It’s the opposite of what you usually do. It’s a resolution you are much more likely to be able to stick to, and it’s a hell of a lot more fun.
It’s taking your vices and giving them a big old hug because you are who you are and there’s nothing wrong with that. Here are 10 anti-resolutions you could actually stick to this year.
You should gain some weight.
I'm openin' a gym called "Resolutions." It will have exercise equipment for the first week & then turns into a bar for the rest of the year.
— Earl Dibbles Jr. ™ (@EarlDibblesJr) January 2, 2016
Honestly y’all, you could subsist on celery and water and live at the gym and set candy bars on fire with your mind but let’s face it, as soon as you lose those annoying 10 lbs you’ll just feel skinny again and stop working out and gain it back. And then you’ll go back to the celery and it’s just a vicious cycle. Why not embrace your pudge? Put on an oversized shirt and just get on with your bad self.
You should spend money.
Savings account yada yada yada safety cushion yada yada yada Dave Ramsey yada yada yada. But seriously y’all, man cannot live on ramen alone. Get yourself some steak once in a while. Or go somewhere and take a vacation. Totally real studies that some guy did say that people are happier when they’re not hoarding away all their pennies in a proverbial mayonnaise jar.
You should waste time.
That clock doesn’t own you, you own it. So if it makes you happy to sit on Pinterest for 17 straight hours on Saturday when you should be doing laundry or mowing the grass, then that’s what you should do.
You should offend people.
There’s really no way around this one, so you might as well do it on purpose and have some fun with it!
You should sleep in.
You don’t need a shower before work, you need nine extra minutes of sleep.
You should show up late.
Because let’s be honest you’re not leaving your house any earlier, you just resolved to sleep in. So the only way to get to work on time involves speeding, road rage and a time machine. If your boss puts you on notice it’s a sign you’re doing a great job keeping your anti-resolution.
You should care less.
Worrying about things causes you stress, stress causes health problems. You don’t need more of that. Just breathe.
You should get disorganized.
Why torment yourself at the Container Store and Ikea trying to figure out how to fit all your crap into your filing cabinet for once? No. Welcome the clutter. Love the clutter.
You should swear more.
My news years resolution for 2016 was to be on the cover of every shitty ass tabloid known to man…. Whew!!! That was easy!!!!!
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) January 6, 2016
Because why the damn hell not?
You should drink more.
— Brian Kelley (@PlayBkPlay) March 23, 2012
If you don’t make any other anti-resolutions, and let’s be honest you probably won’t, then this is the one you should make. Because if you’re going to try to lose weight, save money and all that other non-fun stuff, you’re going to need a drink once in a while. Besides, it’s good for you.