Ol’ Hank hit the nail on the head with his classic, “Country Boys Can Survive.” But that big city life ain’t always as rough as Bocephus made it out to be. Cities like Chicago, New York, L.A., San Fran, Philly, etc. They’re not to be feared. They’re to be conquered. You might feel like a small fish in a big pond, but don’t worry. Statistically, city slickers don’t know how to fish. If you play your cards right, you can see the bright lights without the big hassles with these urban survival tips.
Don’t Bring The Truck
You can’t fit a circle into a square. And you sure can’t fit a Ford Super Duty in most metropolitan parking spaces. Cities like Houston and Dallas are readymade for heavy duty Chevrolets, but the older the city, the more slender the lanes. Sure, dodging cabbies, cyclists and pedestrians might be thrilling at first, but you don’t wanna risk hurting nobody…or scuffing your truck. Give public transportation, especially the subways, a try. It’s way cheaper than street parking and much easier on the nerves. Plus, you’re bound to meet some characters.
You Can’t Take It Outside
Good ol’ boys have their ways of resolving conflicts. But if somebody chaps your hide in a big city bar, you can’t just settle things like men. These ain’t boys named Sue you’re dealing with. They’re boys that will sue you, mid-swing. Best to just suck it up and laugh it off before dukes are up and charges are pressed. Take pride in the fact that you hold your drink better than the townies. It’s better than spending the night in the downtown lockup.
Manners Still Matters (Just Not As Much)
The rude New Yorker stereotype is a just a cliche. You’ll still find kind folks willing to help you along your way. But don’t expect to hear “thank you” when you hold a door or “bless you” when you sneeze. Eye contact is rare and rarely reciprocated. Same goes for saying “howdy.” And don’t get sore if your tip of the hat goes unnoticed. But they ain’t necessarily being rude. Plenty of ’em are raised right. They’re just surly cause they’re in a hurry. Speaking of…
Pick Up The Pace
Nobody moseys. And lollygaggers are few and far between amongst the locals. City sidewalks during rush hour can be human stampedes and you don’t wanna get trampled. To get where you’re going without being a speed bump, just jump into the herd and ride it. When you find those sights where you want to gander, make sure you’re out of the stream. You got this.
Barbecue is Twice As Expensive (And Half As Good)
Who pays $19 for a half-slab of ribs? Chicagoans, New Yorkers, Californians…that’s who. And most of the time, that doesn’t even include the sides. If you’re a Texas or Southern-style barbecue aficionado, you’re best off avoiding the pricey city substitutes and grilling it yourself. Oh, there’s plenty of Northern joints that try—bless their hearts–to copy the classic Southern techniques. But they just can’t nail that sweet smokey tang of the real thing.
Bring Your Own Smoke and Dip
Whether you’re a Marlboro man or a Skoal dipper, you’ll kick yourself if you don’t stock up before hitting the city. If you think it’s tough enough shelling out six bucks in Texas and Oklahoma to get your fix, wait ’til you see the prices up north. A pack will run you $10 in Boston, $12 in Chicago, and (drum roll please) a staggering $13 in New York City. It’s enough to make you want to quit.