In the biggest non-news story of the year, a resident of Andover, Massachusetts called the police reporting there appeared to be a torso on the side of the road on North Main Street.
The responding officer reported that the object was “just a brisket.” The officer was surely less than amused.
The bigger crime here is wasting a perfectly good brisket. Arguably.
For anyone who needs a refresher in what is cow and what is human, here is a quick overview of beef cuts.