A lot has been written about modern country music. Viral videos have looped country songs on top of one another to show us how shamelessly similar they are. Country music has even begun to become self-aware with songs like Maddie & Tae’s “Girl in a Country Song” and Kevin Fowler’s sarcastic “Sellout Song.” But have you ever wondered what life would really be like if you lived inside a country song? Let’s travel into the world of country music and see.
Perception: Dancing on tailgates
Reality: Sitting in lawn chairs
Reality: Facebook stalker
Perception: Alcohol helps you drown your sorrows
In country music, all you have to do to get over someone is to go to a bar and drink. Boom. All better.
Reality: Drunk dials
In real life, alcohol will make you cry in front of your buddies and send your old girlfriend an incomprehensible text message at 3 AM.
Perception: Getting it on in the barn
In country music, girls like to get frisky up in the barn.
Reality: No. Just no.
In real life, barns stink like s*!# and literally no one has relations in there.
Perception: Bad men get their comeuppance.
In country music, you can kill cheaters and beaters and get away with it.
Reality: You’re going to jail.
Don’t try this at home. You totally won’t get away with it. I love you Carrie, but there’s no such thing as a poison “no law man’s ever gonna find.” If CSI taught us anything it’s that you’re definitely going to get caught.
Perception: Country girls are beer wenches
In country songs, girls are always submissively passing beers to their men from the shotgun seat where they belong.
Reality: Get your own damn beer
That’s adorable, y’all. Country girls are raised to be independent and hardy, not submissive.
Perception: Getting it on in the bed of a truck
In country songs, couples are always getting “tangled up” in the bed of a pickup truck.
Reality: Ow, my back!
Y’all ever try to lay down in the back of a pickup? It’s horribly uncomfortable. Just because they call it a “bed” doesn’t mean you need to use it that way.