Entertainment

Life According to Modern Country Music: Perception vs. Reality

Screengrab via KipMooreVEVO

A lot has been written about modern country music. Viral videos have looped country songs on top of one another to show us how shamelessly similar they are. Country music has even begun to become self-aware with songs like Maddie & Tae’s “Girl in a Country Song” and Kevin Fowler’s sarcastic “Sellout Song.” But have you ever wondered what life would really be like if you lived inside a country song? Let’s travel into the world of country music and see.

Perception: Dancing on tailgates

pickup-truck-dance2
Image via Giphy
In country music women are always dancing on tailgates and on someone’s daddy’s tractor.

Reality: Sitting in lawn chairs

Flickr/Jimee Jackie Tom & Asha
Flickr/Jimee Jackie Tom & Asha
In real life tailgates are for sitting, and that’s the main thing people do at pasture parties. By the way Luke Bryan, if she’s dancing on hood of your daddy’s tractor, then she wasn’t raised right.

Perception: Revenge

Image via We Heart It
Image via We Heart It
In country music, women always get the perfect revenge on cheaters.

Reality: Facebook stalker

In real life, we are much more likely to stalk your Facebook page and make passive aggressive remarks about how ugly your new girlfriend is. In fact, Coffey Anderson actually wrote a song about that.

Perception: Alcohol helps you drown your sorrows

Flicker/Larry Darling
Flicker/Larry Darling

In country music, all you have to do to get over someone is to go to a bar and drink. Boom. All better.

Reality: Drunk dials

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

In real life, alcohol will make you cry in front of your buddies and send your old girlfriend an incomprehensible text message at 3 AM.

Perception: Getting it on in the barn

screen-shot-2016-11-17-at-1-48-52-pm
VEVO

In country music, girls like to get frisky up in the barn.

Reality: No. Just no.

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

In real life, barns stink like s*!# and literally no one has relations in there.

Perception: Bad men get their comeuppance.

black-cadilacs
Image via Giphy

In country music, you can kill cheaters and beaters and get away with it.

Reality: You’re going to jail.

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

Don’t try this at home. You totally won’t get away with it. I love you Carrie, but there’s no such thing as a poison “no law man’s ever gonna find.” If CSI taught us anything it’s that you’re definitely going to get caught.

Perception: Country girls are beer wenches

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

In country songs, girls are always submissively passing beers to their men from the shotgun seat where they belong.

Reality: Get your own damn beer

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

That’s adorable, y’all. Country girls are raised to be independent and hardy, not submissive.

Perception: Getting it on in the bed of a truck

pickup-truck-bed
Image via Giphy

In country songs, couples are always getting “tangled up” in the bed of a pickup truck.

Reality: Ow, my back!

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy

Y’all ever try to lay down in the back of a pickup? It’s horribly uncomfortable. Just because they call it a “bed” doesn’t mean you need to use it that way.

 Perception: Country girls dance provocatively

shake-it
Image via Giphy
In country songs, girls are always dancing seductively for the enjoyment of men.

Reality: It’s usually the men dancing

Image via Giphy
Image via Giphy
I’m just saying I’ve never seen Miranda Lambert do this move. Y’all look like you’re trying to hold up invisible hoola-hoops.

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Life According to Modern Country Music: Perception vs. Reality