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A Texan Answers Google’s Autocompletes About Texas

Since the advent of Google’s Autocomplete feature, a helpful bot that fills in commonly googled questions, it’s become apparent that people are pretty curious about a lot of things, including the state of Texas. People have a lot of questions about the Lone Star State and the folks who call it home. To save y’all some time, I’m going to answer some of the most common Google autocompletes about Texas.

Google

Y’all stop being so dramatic. Texans don’t hate Californians. It’s just that we’re not super fond of what y’all do to Mexican food. We also don’t like state income taxes or heavy regulations on local industries.

Google

I think a better question would be why doesn’t everyone else love Dr Pepper? It’s the nectar of the gods, y’all.

Most of us actually don’t. We like to talk about secession, and we like to brag about how we’d make a great country all on our own, but only about a quarter of a million people (out of a total population of 27 million) are dedicated secessionists. Mostly they want to secede because they don’t agree with how Washington is running the country. By the way, California is the most recent state to threaten secession, so we’re actually more alike than you might think.

Google

YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, GOOGLE. TEXANS DO NOT DO THIS.

Google

Texas is a big state, we need to drive fast so we can get where we want to go before supper.

Google

Texans are practical people and trucks are utilitarian. You can haul stuff. You can drive through sand and mud without getting stuck. Just try doing that in your little Prius. We may laugh at you, but we’ll be right there with a tow strap to pull you out, too.

Google

The left lane is the passing lane, but folks in Texas tend to call it “the fast lane” so obviously, that’s the one we want to be in. No one wants to drive in the “slow” lane. Sometimes we just forget to move over when faster vehicles approach behind us, that’s all. Why are y’all so obsessed with how we drive, anyway?

Google

Most of us say it “pee-KAHN” but there are some who say “pick-KAHN”, but this is Texas and we believe in freedom, so y’all feel free to say it however you want, just know that we might make fun of you for it. Especially if you say “PEE-CAN”.

Google
  1. Stickers
  2. Fire Ants
  3. Rattle Snakes
  4. Cow pies
  5. Fashion
Google

Because we need an excuse to visit Louisiana, of course. Actually, Texas law doesn’t allow gambling of any sort. The closest thing we have to legal gambling is the lottery.

Google

Because the stars at night aren’t the only thing that’s big and bright in Texas. The sun is absolutely blistering. Ergo, wide-brimmed cowboy hats.

Google

Because of those damn Sooners. It’s a football thing. We don’t hate the people, just the OU football team.

Google

Homecoming mums, if you’re not familiar with them, are a tradition that began with giving your date a chrysanthemum corsage trimmed with ribbons in your school’s colors to wear to the Homecoming dance. Because Texans like to outdo one another though, mums have morphed into enormous creations that girls need a wheelbarrow to cart around. Lord help us, these mumstrosities don’t seem to be getting any smaller as the years pass. Some kids choose to forego the mums in favor of donating money to charity though, which is pretty great.

Google

Because Texas is an incredibly beautiful land with kind-hearted people, delicious food and lots of sunshine. What more could you ask for? Come visit and see for yourself!

Now Watch: Texas Places Non-Texans Mispronounce All the Time

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A Texan Answers Google’s Autocompletes About Texas