People who give southerners a hard time for complaining about the cold should consider these eight bitter realities.
This year, we’ve been hit with several snow storms in Nashville that have shut down local government and public schools, closed our shopping malls, and even caused restaurants to lock their doors for a few days. Born and raised in Georgia, I’ve never been a huge fan of sub-freezing temperatures. But after a quick stint in Boston, I learned that we southerners are justified in our hatred of wintry weather. Here are 8 legitimate reasons why southerners don’t like the cold.
8. Grocery stores run out of everything.
Even if the forecast calls for just one inch of snow, everyone freaks out and heads to the grocery store to stock up on toilet paper and water like it’s the apocalypse. Good luck trying to get any milk to go with your Lucky Charms! Unless you want to pay for that fancy organic brand that’s left on the shelf, you’ll be eating your cereal dry.
7. There’s only enough salt for the main roads.
If you live on a back road, you’re screwed. There’s no way anyone’s coming up or down your icy street. Southern cities don’t really stock up on salt or snowplows for the winter, so resources are scarce. Hope you have a home remedy for cabin fever in your medicine cabinet!
6. Schools may close, but that doesn’t mean your work does.
Roads may be considered too dangerous for your kids to hop on a school bus and travel to school, but your boss doesn’t think they are too dangerous for you. Either he believes in your winter weather driving ability, or he doesn’t actually care about your well-being. #TheTruthHurtsSometimes
5. We don’t own winter clothing.
Given that 300 days out of the year are sunny and warm, our closets and dressers are full of shorts, jorts and tank tops. No one has big, duck-feather-filled winter coats! We wear baseball hats and tennis shoes, not toboggans and snow boots. They don’t really even sell winter wear at our department stores, unless you count pea coats as winter wear.
4. People try weird things in the presence of this white magic called snow.
Since we aren’t used to seeing the world covered in a blanket of white precipitation, we southerners sometimes do strange things in the snow. I mean, why not try to use your John Deere lawn mower as a snowmobile? You might be a redneck if… Just sayin’.
3. We don’t have real sleds, so we have to make do with what we can find.
No southerner actually owns a sled, so when it snows and we want to slide down an icy hill, we make one out of anything we can find in our homes. I’ve seen it all done before: laundry baskets, trash bags, cardboard boxes… It usually doesn’t end well.
2. Southerners don’t know how to drive in the snow.
If you think normal traffic in Atlanta is bad, just add snow, ice, freezing rain or simply the threat of any of theses things, and the interstates become complete chaos. It’s like people forget how to drive, for some reason. An hour commute becomes a four-hour commute. You might as well ask your boss if you can just work from home because you may never make it into the office!
1. As much as we complain about the heat and humidity in the summer, we secretly love it.
Let’s face it: we southerners love a good, hot summer. Sipping sweet tea on the front porch with the ceiling fan blowing is our favorite activity. Drinking hot tea to stay warm doesn’t hold a candle to our beloved sweet iced tea!
Come back, warm weather. We miss you. Love, the South.