Texas is so big you really can’t lump all Texans in together as a group. Each part of the state has its own distinct culture, and South Texas is in a category of its own. With a weird mash-up of Mexican, German and Czech cultures, all South Texans have a unique childhood. Here’s a tiny glimpse of what it is like being raised in South Texas.
You don’t speak Spanish per se, but you’re used to hearing it, and you can’t help blurting out “vamanos” when people are going slow. You know a weird assortment of Spanish words and phrases and don’t even remember when or how you learned them.
South Texan test: Say these names out loud: Kocúrek, Mueller, Janeček, Kloesel, Spoetzl
When people from up north complain that it’s 90 degrees outside, and you’re like, y’all just wait till summer.
It’s 70 degrees outside, so you’re gonna need a sweater.
WHY is this not a breakfast staple everywhere???
Because you’ve been putting it on your food since you were three.
There’s not much in South Texas except small towns. Let’s go to Corpus, there are TWO malls!
What else was there to do on a Saturday? Those were the days.
Apparently, flip flops and a hoodie are not sufficient winter clothing elsewhere.
Turkey shmurkey, bring on the head cheese!
And it was freaking awesome.
It’s worth the drive to get away from the brown muck washed into the Gulf by the Mississippi.
Because, while it’s always worth the drive, you don’t always have the gas money.
This was a totally normal extra-curricular activity until you grew up and got too cool for it.
I’d say “breakfast of champions” except you could totally eat them all day long.
Grade school was filled with the awkwardness of “Promenade left, promenade right!” to the tune of endless “Achy Breaky Heart” while contracting cooties from the stinky boy in your third grade class that they made you hold hands with. DEAR GOD WHY?!
Like Refugio: Re-FURY-oh. Totally makes sense, right? Because, you know, Texas.
Seriously who came up with that crap? Scoff. Posers. THIS is the real Cotton Eyed Joe.
Remember the Alamo, when Billy threw up on the bus ride home? You’ve been to Goliad and Gonzales, and you can recite the “Come and take it” story by memory.
Literally three times: 2004, 1996 and 1983. You crafted tiny snowmen out of snowballs the size of billiard balls. You made seriously muddy snow angels, then you got sad when it melted 30 minutes later.
This is your hipster moment.
Taken too soon.