Texas is so big you really can’t lump all Texans in together as a group. Each part of the state has its own distinct culture, and South Texas is in a category of its own. With a weird mash-up of Mexican, German and Czech cultures, all South Texans have a unique childhood. Here’s a tiny glimpse of what it is like being raised in South Texas.
20. You think it’s totally normal to intertwine Spanish and English.
You don’t speak Spanish per se, but you’re used to hearing it, and you can’t help blurting out “vamanos” when people are going slow. You know a weird assortment of Spanish words and phrases and don’t even remember when or how you learned them.
19. You know how to correctly pronounce complicated German and Czech names
South Texan test: Say these names out loud: Kocúrek, Mueller, Janeček, Kloesel, Spoetzl
18. You have an unbelievable heat tolerance
When people from up north complain that it’s 90 degrees outside, and you’re like, y’all just wait till summer.
On the other hand, you have zero cold tolerance
It’s 70 degrees outside, so you’re gonna need a sweater.
17. You still have dreams about chorizo and eggs from home
WHY is this not a breakfast staple everywhere???
16. You were shocked to learn some people consider giving children hot sauce “abuse”
Because you’ve been putting it on your food since you were three.
15. You consider any city that has a freeway a “big city”
There’s not much in South Texas except small towns. Let’s go to Corpus, there are TWO malls!
14. Crossing the Mexican border (was) no big deal
What else was there to do on a Saturday? Those were the days.
13. You experienced “winter” for the first time when you left for college
Apparently, flip flops and a hoodie are not sufficient winter clothing elsewhere.
12. Christmas is super exciting because of homemade tamales
Turkey shmurkey, bring on the head cheese!
11. You went to *at least* one quinceañera
And it was freaking awesome.
10. You know the only acceptable beach in Texas is South Padre…
It’s worth the drive to get away from the brown muck washed into the Gulf by the Mississippi.
…But you’ve still been to every other beach in Texas
Because, while it’s always worth the drive, you don’t always have the gas money.
9. You or someone you knew was in ballet folklorico and/or clogging.
This was a totally normal extra-curricular activity until you grew up and got too cool for it.
8. You consider kolaches to be their own food group
I’d say “breakfast of champions” except you could totally eat them all day long.
7. You’re still traumatized from learning square dancing, line dancing and polka in P.E. class
Grade school was filled with the awkwardness of “Promenade left, promenade right!” to the tune of endless “Achy Breaky Heart” while contracting cooties from the stinky boy in your third grade class that they made you hold hands with. DEAR GOD WHY?!
6. You can accurately (mis)pronounce all the little town names
Like Refugio: Re-FURY-oh. Totally makes sense, right? Because, you know, Texas.
5. You know the real “Cotton Eyed Joe” and hate that stupid techno one everyone was playing a few years ago
Seriously who came up with that crap? Scoff. Posers. THIS is the real Cotton Eyed Joe.
4. You went to multiple Spanish missions on school field trips
Remember the Alamo, when Billy threw up on the bus ride home? You’ve been to Goliad and Gonzales, and you can recite the “Come and take it” story by memory.
3. You remember the three times it snowed in the past 30 years, and you have pictures of it
Literally three times: 2004, 1996 and 1983. You crafted tiny snowmen out of snowballs the size of billiard balls. You made seriously muddy snow angels, then you got sad when it melted 30 minutes later.
2. You knew where Shiner was before the beer brand got popular
This is your hipster moment.
1. You’re still mourning Selena
Taken too soon.