Whether you were born in Texas or got here as fast as you could; whether your family is new or has been here since it was still part of Mexico, there are certain attributes that unite us as Texans. No matter where you are, a Texan will know another Texan by these little quirks. So if you’re new here, and you really identify with this article, then congratulations, because you’ve gone native. Here are 15 signs you’re a bonafide Texan.
15. You covet shady parking spots.
The holy grail of parking spots in Texas is both close and shaded, but if you have to choose in the summer time you’re going to choose shaded.
14. You tend to stay in state for vacations.
You could go out of state, but a lot of times you just head to another Texas city. San Antonio has the Alamo, Market Square and Fiesta Texas. Dallas has the Cowboys, Six Flags and the Arboretum. Corpus has the beach and the Texas Aquarium. No matter where you go, there are enough entertaining and educational places to visit in the Lone Star State to keep you busy for life.
13. You can’t sit still at the sound of a fiddle.
Real country music has fiddles in it. Hell, it might not have any other instrument at all, but the fiddle is absolutely necessary. See Asleep at the Wheel for reference.
12. Your house becomes the bat cave in the Summer.
You’ve got all the blinds and curtains closed from June through August because if you don’t, your AC bill will be through the roof. All activities move to night and we pretty much just become nocturnal.
11. Christmas means tamales.
If it’s Christmas, you know someone’s grandma is selling tamales. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
10. You’ve always got tortillas in your house.
Because you eat them at pretty much every meal.
9. You know exactly how long it takes to get around Texas.
It would make a whole lot of sense for someone to fly from Dallas to Houston, given the five hour driving time, but we don’t even fly from Dallas to South Padre. If it’s inside Texas, we’re driving there. Road trips are a Texan way of life.
8. In the Fall, you watch football from Friday to Sunday.
Friday night is the local high school game, Saturday your favorite college team is playing, and Sunday, obviously you’re watching either the Cowboys or the Texans.
7. You’re opinionated about barbecue.
You know where to get it and where not to get it. You know where it’s overpriced, where it’s overrated, and where it’s neither one, and simply perfect.
6. Inclement weather doesn’t scare you.
Tornadoes? No problem. Time to hang out in the bathtub. Hurricanes? We’ve got bottled water AND rum and cokes. Hail? Cover the truck in some couch cushions. Flooding? Let’s take our boat out and rescue trapped people. Like a boss.
5. And yet, you can’t handle precipitation of any sort on the road.
Whether it’s raining or snowing, you’d better hope you can get home before the masses hit the roadways, because half of us drive slow enough that jogging might be faster, and half of us drive like we’re in the trials for the Indy 500. There is no in-between.
4. Your four food groups are a bit different from others’.
The Texan’s four food groups include barbecue, kolaches, tacos and beer.
3. You have embraced “y’all”.
If you grew up saying it, it’s damn near impossible to stop, and if you didn’t grow up saying it, it’s damn near impossible not to start when surrounded by others who say it. Might as well choose to love it, y’all. Texans aren’t going to stop saying it any time soon.
2. Your favorite season is whichever one is next.
Texans love the heat, but we’re done with it after the Fourth of July. Sadly, Fall doesn’t start until like, November. Then we love the cool weather until it won’t stop raining or icing over, and then we’re begging the groundhog to ignore his shadow.
1. You become enraged when anyone says anything negative about Texas.
On the Internet especially, it happens a lot. People who have never been here assume we’re all backwards, redneck racists. Don’t bash Texas. In reality, we’re a really friendly group of people, but as a wise man once said, they hate us cuz they ain’t us.