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10 Things You Didn’t Know Were Illegal in Texas

True Texans strive to be respectful, law-abiding citizens, but it’s hard not to laugh at some of the laws that make it into the books. Here are 10 of the weirdest Texas Laws.

10. Utterly Disappointing

We’ve all heard how calcium is good for the bones, but in Texas you better bring your own dadgum livestock. It’s illegal to milk another man’s cow in the Lone Star State.

9. Respect the Dearly Departed

In Texas, it’s best to stay away from profanity in certain company. That includes the dead. In the Lone Star State, it’s illegal to swear in front of a corpse. A funeral is the last place you wanna have your mouth washed out with soap. So, save the reading of the will until after the burial.

8. Night Riders

I’m not sure how your horse is going to feel about this one. In Texarkana, it’s illegal to ride a horse at night without tail lights. Good luck with that one. Try to pin a light to a horse’s posterior and he’ll kick you clear across the barn aisle.

7. Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job

Over in Mesquite, kids are encouraged to keep things conservative above the ears; it’s illegal for kids to have unusual haircuts. If you have a bratty cousin with an obnoxious Mohawk, send him over to Mesquite and maybe they’ll lower his ears.

6. Boozical Chairs

For some reason, a law still stands that it’s illegal to take three sips of beer while standing. So, if you are a true do-gooder, the big question is do you just take the whole thing down in two mighty Texas gulps, or do you go sip-sip-sit, sip-sip-sit?

5. Why’d You Come In Here Lookin’ Like That?

You think dating is tough now? If you follow San Antonio’s dating law, it gets a heck-of-a-lot worse. In the Alamo City, it’s illegal to flirt using your eyes or hands. Footsie anyone?

4. Cleaning Up the Streets

In most Texas towns, cleaning up the streets is encouraged. Well, something went wrong over in Clarendon, where it is illegal to feather dust a public building. Sadly, this lead to the cancellation of Clarendon’s ever-popular Annual French Maids of the World Convention.

3. E-I-E-I-Ouch

Hey, Old McDonald, are you having a feral hog problem on your land? I wouldn’t want to tussle with those things in person, either. No problem. It’s now legal to shoot hogs and coyotes from a helicopter. Pretty much been waiting on that one ever since Magnum P.I. went off air, right?

2. He Who Smelt It

Wind-breakers beware: In Port Arthur, it’s illegal to emit an obnoxious odor (fart) in an elevator. Common courtesy dictates that you save your toxic emissions for after you exit. Cut the crap and go cut the cheese some place else.

1. When Pigs Fly… Maybe Not

Texas is a romantic land, where tales of lovelorn cowboys and sultry starlets abound. From the beautiful Hill Country nights to fancy Dallas dinners, there are no shortages of romantic locales for the Texas rendezvous. Unless, of course, you are a pair of pigs in the South Texas town of Kingsville, looking to make a little whoopee before you make for a romantic getaway. Sorry Porky, it’s illegal for two pigs to make sweet love at the Kingsville Airport.

BONUS: I hope you’re not reading this while sitting on the sidewalk in Galveston. That could land you a $500 fine!

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10 Things You Didn’t Know Were Illegal in Texas